What happens when u Break your Balls?

You get yellow egg water. Just FYI, Thais don’t call them balls, they call em eggs.

Do Thais Celebrate New Year?

Of course, again in Coyote-Theques and all the karaoke pubs. Who says the economy is bad? Look at all the people splurging their money, then look at them eat salt, plain rice with only fish sauce for the next 25 days till next pay. Most people here are strange. They behave like migratory flocks of birds. During year end, many flock up north to provinces like Chang Mai for the long holiday. Now, that little province had turned into Bangkok 2 - traffic jam big time. So dear readers, don’t plan a holiday over there for New Year. Why not go to southern islands I asked, they want the cold they answered.

Many companies here do not allow employees to carry over private and annual leave over the New Year. So they will have to be cleared during this period. 31st Dec is an official holiday, 2nd Jan is government declared holiday (for what I don’t know, but this was what I heard). Many had taken leave on Monday and Tuesday this week. Some had since been on leave the days leading up to the previous weekend. Total typical holidays = Sat Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun = 9!

So many of them are now either wasted with hangover everyday, stuck in jams up north and most are home with the farm buffalos in their homes out country where they are really suppose to be. Bangkok will be more quiet then usual. My apartment will have more parking places available. Don’t expect your people to work this week, its kinda like ROD mood (Run out Date, a term used in Army when we approach our end of service days) in the office. Since I do not have any leave for being a recent addition in the company, I worked these two days in a partially empty partially operational office where everyone is in a non productive chatty MSN all the time, play computer games, surf porn sites happy holiday mood.

Do Thais Celebrate Christmas?

Yes they do, in other non religious ways. Christmas is not a public holiday here, but Thais all know Christmas is equal to something party party. So, they will jump at any chance to be merry and the day was just another excuse to drink dance drunk. The place I was brought to before the Coyote-Theque (Discotheque) was worst. It was for ”pump-pump”. Fortunately, we had ladies in our dinner group so the idea was struck off after 5 minutes of staring into the ”fish-tank”.



Thais do practice gift exchanges and such on this day. Normally, these activities will involve a big dinner and two sessions of ”luck draw”. The first round would be to draw for exchanged gifs. And there would be a second draw which is for gifts from the company (if this is a company organized dinner). Of course the many alcohol and render ourselves senseless activities will proceed through out the night will include more then one venue as did the one I went to.

How do Thais Preach?

In a very loud way. Anywhere where there’s a junction and jam. They plant themselves there on all corners of the roads, and they Hail to the Lord.

For 1625 USD...

Only in Bangkok I guess, never to be seen in Singapore newspapers.

Ohhhh Maaaiii Luuurrvv

While all the old retired folks in Singapore are now working at MacDonald’s or driving the Taxi, old folks here have plenty to occupy themselves with. In the food court, there was a stage. And one by one, old folks went up to sing in solo or in duets. I had only one word to summarize the experience. Reverberation. They sang very unworldly songs from what seems like 60 years ago. Slow, low and their vocals so reverberating. I swear I witnessed my cup of water rippled and my rice on the plate vibrating.


The audience, all of us from young to old, just having our normal lunch. And oddly a paramedic was opposite my table, in case the old clock upstage decided to stop clicking.


They not only sang, the lady in black front of stage was actually dancing, in mysterious wavy hand patterns. Strange… so darn strange, my pork ball stuck in my throat, refused to go down. These peculiar performances, happens several times a month in the food court I have my regular lunches. Their voices.. still ringing in my ears now. The pork ball, still somewhere in my throat.

Thailand’s Papa Day

5th December. The official father’s day in Thailand every year. A Holiday, the King’s birthday. The poor soul was sick, he did not appear on TV yesterday. But the whole of Thailand united, and wished him well. Such was the spirit, the very recent mobs and political feelings shoved readily aside for this day.


In a gathering I was, when the candles were passed around right about 7.20 pm. The TV was turned on to show the celebration. We each held our lighted candles. And as the crowd sang on TV, so did those around me who gathered. An event united, an event so natured.


After a couple of songs and with the whole Kingdom letting off loud fireworks within this same united period, we left our candles to burn proudly high and bright as we talked, chatted and BBQed into the coolness of the winter night.

Will Santa come to Bangkok this year?

He better watch out,
He better not cry,
He better not come,
I'm telling him why,
PAD is staging in town.


Santa wearing big bright red, flying over the Suvanaphumi, will definitely be blown out of the sky with RPG. Rudolph better have afterburners.

Bangkok Now - Calm before the Storm?

It is not every so often that when I go to the shopping complex around my house that I get to park my car easily in the evening. Yesterday was just one such day. It was not crowded and there were plentiful parking for me. Within the complex, a sense of peace contrasting from the bustle of a normal work day. A calm, an eerie sense of clam.

Yesterday, some of the big companies had let their staff off early for the fear of a rumored impending coup. It is a day for people to go home and be with their families should there be a major event. But I bet the people let off went to join the mobs instead. And no, coup did not happen yesterday and no one is sure now what will come as speculation of every kind spreads.

With nothing to do but just to wait, businessmen hooked up for casual meet ups which were not in their initial tight work schedule. Some Singaporeans, stuck in Bangkok, with surplus time thus met up. The conversation from business jumped quickly to everything under the sun. Foreigners were indirectly benefiting the shopping scene as their packed short trip of clothing cycled out (aka: ran out of clean underwear). Some with nothing to do mentioned that they just hung at MBK, spend money, ate, idled and waited for news. Calling up Thai Airways on their emergency number as instructed on published mediums results in no avail. No one picked up. Some became the ball in a ping pong game, with their Singapore agents telling them to contact Thai agencies and the latter telling them to call back the former. With no idea then what to do, they went for massages, karaoke in the night and of course to experience the hidden pleasures of Bangkok. An indirect drive to the tourism industry in the midst of what should have been a tourism disaster. So true till their money ran out should the situation extend if indefinitely.

If mountain in my way, I move the mountain some say. And people returned to Bangkok via alternative exhaustive routes. Land in Phuket, bus to Bangkok. Transit in KL, then to Laos and bus into Bangkok. All kinds of surprising route were thought up. It is easy to get in but getting out is the tough part. Flights from Chang Mai to Singapore all booked till 6th December. Train tickets to Malaysia all sold out. What other way thus to spend the time? Go for a holiday some had planned. A weekend driving to Kanchanaburi, a day or two at Pattaya, but as kiasus and kiasees some will be and rather not venture for the uncertainty of danger they think. So they just wait, and waited and will wait further till the situation irons out. But will it soon?

A round of coup, some domestic airport forced closures and the countless protests I had seen. For the first time I will say, this one is different. This one is major. Thais had the TRT, and then the PPP and of course now the PAD. Even the ARMY and whatsoever ABC could not unify the country like we have the PAP. I take my hat off for the PAP thus, which one word shrinks the balls of all. PAP, one direction, many angry and yet what can we do? We better not do. All we can is but to adjust our mind to the tune of PAP (in other words: kee-kar-lumpar-dua-suay-liap umm-kar-kong-chu-lai). Chaos chaos, never so peace. But in chaos comes a balance, or a balance will it not?

Red & Yellow Bangkok War

Airport closed, people can’t get in nor out of Bangkok. My Singapore vendor will be stuck for a while thus, unable to go back today. Surprisingly the news & TV shows still that of football and other entertainment with only occasional focus on the airport closure and protesters’ activities. Red throws stones and slingshots at anything that wears yellow. Yellow with more firepower opens gun fire at red. Innocent passerbies wearing the wrong color are in for a treat.


Then this guy how wah?

Recycle = Money

Recycle brought to an extreme extend. Poor folks of the countryside have removed some supporting screws and nuts. They sell them at the metal works, the money they get then feed their thirst for alcohol. News had some months ago reported of high voltage towers collapsing in the countryside as their supporting bits and pieces gone missing. This is how it is in Thai cases of extreme survival skills. I happened to see this which looks like a failed attempt to remove a heavy nut.

Condom Man

Oh yeah mister condom so mighty big and blue. I will hug you.

Halt your Pacemaker

Strange aye a sign like this? Never see it before. Watch where you step in Bangkok if your life engine is that of the electronic. Step into these areas and it may stop and you could say goodbye Earth.

The Fifth Winter

It’s been a week of good cooling weather. The climate on some days end of year is that of Perth in later summer. The sun strong and yet gentle, the breeze lightly cool and dry. The sky after the rain is splendidly clear, the clouds and the blueness so distinctively identified. As I sipped my hot coffee on the balcony overlooking Bangkok just after the lazy sunrise, the overwhelming sense of blissfulness again hit me. It’s my fifth Bangkok winter here.

Some farangs had curious questions for me, asking when I will return back to Singapore. Ain’t Bangkok too chaotic and dangerous a place to live in they asked. Ain’t Singapore such a safe heaven to be in. And my reply would always be, that I have never in my life been so truly happy before. I love the chaos. I love the unpredictability. I love the vastness of this Kingdom, and the myriad variety of experiences. I am free, soaring in my dreams, a life out of the cage called Singapore. Yes, the uncaged heavy yellow bird I am.

I was at a Wall Street party recently (a English language teaching institute in Thailand), a party I reluctantly went to with gig. The music I liked they played, of Enigma and Gregorian in tune with Halloween. You could never hear such good beats in Thai pubs, for they have all already been drowned by the hip hop. The lyrics which I know the Thais don’t understand, but they just for no reason follow. In my up state of enchanted rhythms, something set in. Starting a new challenging life in Thailand is not all that a bed of roses. Be aware the roses have thorns. The age of loneliness will come.

One will know coming here alone means no more can-chat-anything sessions with pals, no one to truly understand cock jokes and no one to truly share a real laughter with in an English movie. One cannot change the culture it is, but one must change oneself to laugh in the conversations of Thai. Some lucky folks here have communities in which they gather. Enclosed in their own special group of expat culture sharing their common views, they laugh in their own flock merrily. I the Singaporean however, still till today a lone albatross out of place in the Andaman sea of Thai. Undiscovered maybe, but I blame it more on my unbalanced lifestyle not making an effort to contact. For I want to drive strong a career, for how much longer can we learn? Socializing I can wait maybe, my views we cycle once in this time space, we need to know as much as we can. A bad lifestyle I know, but I must finish walking the path I chosen. I miss my friends.

Seeking a career I found now, a difficult task for all expats. The Thais views us as expensive cost centers, invest in us they will normally not. The most prestigious Thai companies, in reliable proven expensive solutions they invest rather not. So what are us expats then to consider, when the idea of sound investment they doubt. I work exploited alongside my potential, to peak in my innovative skill I have not. And yet I have to carry on, and bear the third gear torque. I want to maximize myself, the time will come but when abouts? Pay sucks, but I am happy, that’s all that mattes now.

Thailand, where some men are prettier then women and where women have girlfriends prettier then the men’s. This Kingdom so strange and chaotic, and yet the plentiful mysteriously attractions so magnetic. Everyday there is something to discover, everyday a holiday to remember. I live my holiday, my name is Kings. Parental stories told when young, I happened to be named after the King of Thailand for reasons. I am back in Thailand now as such, a complete cycle I have come. I am home in Thailand now.

Why Thai Girls like Farang?

After numerous researches talking with Thai…. a report I have. Yet another interesting reasoning of why Thai girls will fall anytime for a farang (ang moh) men and readily have offspring with them lucky people any time of day.

Since childhood, the girl toys that mummy brings back home will always have the westernized white skin, the golden locks of hair and the blue green eyes so colorful and attractive. This image of “cute” has thus been imprinted into the Thai girls’ mind since early childhood. Every shopping arcade they go to, rows and rows of these dolls lined up enchantingly on the shelves. As they grow up, the impression solidifies subconsciously. And when they reach reproductive age, their biological clock ticks towards wanting a blue eyed child, not the dark Thai child.

Imagine a shopping aisle lined with dark brown baby figures, black hair and the un-characteristics black eyes. Imagine holding a black doll, a black Cabbage Patch Kid. Somehow it just ain’t going to work. Somehow this part of the departmental store will just be that little bit darker. Marketing of such products just ain’t gonna work in this international age. Instead of getting children wanting the dark dolls, you get strange people buying them for voodoo purposes. Mattel figurines which are named after “crab” “cat” “fish” “sugar cane”, Ken made dark skinned and renamed as Somchai, gosh… think about it.

So, who is to blame then? Do we still assume Thai girls like farang just because of money? Maybe we should just blame some on Barbie and Ken then.

Thai Wedding – Thai People Version

Fortunately, it does not call for waking up in ungodly hours of the morning as practiced by the Thai Chinese. Set in the village of wooden huts and broken pavements, this is the real Thai wedding of the real Thai people.


Like the Chinese version, they do tease the groom with simple sabotages such as making it difficult for him to enter the bride’s home to acquire his prize.



One odd thing about it is, they carry whole stalk of young banana trees to which I do not understand the significance of. Must be kampong thing. * And what about for Chinese then? What trees? Durian tree I tell you, all 50 feet of it full grown with branches leaves spiky fruits and all the curry pok ant colonies to be shoved through the door into the room filled with elderly relatives. Two trees, not one.



And of course, no event is Thai without alcohol. Most of the men already smell like midnight boozers in the pubs. For me, sunshine and booze don’t mix.


Like the Malay weddings in Singapore, a tent is set up to house the party goers, the food served simple in buffet style.


The sin-sod (dowry) of some THB$30,000 or more, the traditional practice of the Thai village. It was beautifully arrange in a concentric pattern of leaves with attention, the valuables, currency, gold and all placed on it. * What about the Chinese? What placed on the leaves then aye? Durian I tell you, a dozen of it freshly plucked from the shoved in tree. What about American marriages with the Thai family? What placed on the circular leaves? No leaves I tell you, just stack up family size pan pizza from Pizza Hut, Super Supreme, Hawaiian and all.


Pour the blessed water over the hands of the couple, done a countless times by friends relatives and neighbors. As I poured I mumbled blessings, wish them good life, money come, good baby and bright future. * So what about Chinese again, what is the corresponding part of this ritual? Everyone throw a thousand lighted firecrackers at the couple. Can also aim large fireworks at them to brightly light up their lives.


This, the Thai wedding, the way it had been and always will be. Resisting the weight of modernization, the tradition persists.

[* All reference made out of scope to other wedding cultures are fiction, do not practice. If insist, practice at your own risk. The writer of this blog shall not be responsible for any collateral damage caused by durians in doing so.]

The Thai Neighbor

I never knew what my friend advised could so be very true. Lesson learned is that before doing anything, ask Thai if can, ask a few of them if can. As I had previously wrote in my blog Buying a Condo in Bangkok, a Thai will buy condominiums only of above 4 million to be soaked in high-so if all possible. For one reason I encounter now, an inconsiderate neighbor who makes me smell like a walking “tam-sang” (zhe-cha in Hokkien) stall everyday. My clothes hang to dry, the fabrics they absorbed the smell, my perfume is now called “pad-pid” (friend chili) on some days and “ka-tiaum” (garlic) on others.

Many farmers in this vast kingdom inherited their land from the generations before. Being forever living with the ducks, geese and buffalos, opportunities comes once a while knocking on their hut. An offer to buy their piece, normally from the smarter Bangkokians who take advantage of the situation. Show a lump of cash to the uneducated country bump (under the value of land, maybe way under), bump never seen so much money before. Bump takes offer, and buys anything within reach in Bangkok. Bump changes lifestyle from low-so to high-so (compared to his neighbors) in an instant. Bump also bring big family of bumps and all sorts of up-country behaviors into our civilization. How to then maintain the lifestyle after, I don’t think they really care. Come first find work later, steal beg borrow whatever. Darn I hate this.

We live in condo, we live in commune. Any condo folk should know that when living in such close proximity, we must live with extra consideration for our neighbors. If you want to turn your house into your up-country shack where you cook up a storm every morning, then install a darn kitchen air purifier.

To all you folks out there who cook in condo, go HomePro buy that air purifier. To all you expat folks going to buy a condo in Bangkok, if have money buy THB$10 million condo. Don’t buy THB$1 million ones. As I write my blog now, he cooks at his balcony, my perfume today will be “nam-pla” (fish sauce).

Orphan It, A Convenient Technique

Yet another interesting encounter with the strangeness of this beautiful Kingdom, the beautiful people, the beautiful culture. Beautiful couples get together, made beautiful love and end up with beautiful kid. Unable to care for the kid within their beautifully busy working lives, they send the kid to the neighboring baby sitter in the beautiful countryside for the weekend. Then they beautifully disappear without returning. A beautiful plan indeed.

The aunty I met had taken the child in as one of her own. She did not want to send the kid away. The kind hearted gets taken advantaged of. The ugly people who hatched the beautiful plan profits. Beautiful Thailand, it happens everyday.

i Road Bully

I accidentally cut into her lane driving the long roads till brain dead without signaling in advanced. The big black Chevrolet pulled up beside me and signaled me to stop. I walked up to her window and she handed me a Buddhist sutra. The mid forties kind faced woman said, young man must heart cool cool, don’t drive with heart hot hot, dangerous, read Buddhist sutra, make heart cool cool, make good man. This, the most surprising road experience ever encountered, only in Thailand I suppose.

Why go the Mob?

On my work trips occasionally having casual talks with the factory people, now I know one reason why they go for mobs. The factory workers claimed if the prime minister was overthrown (he did), their participation in the mob was a success and they felt proud that they had did something for the country. Else, being just another local folk, what can they do to contribute to society? They were not paid they claimed. They just wanted to do something which resulted in something that’s all.

Internet Services in Thailand

Whatever you do, don’t sign up with TOT. TOT is the mafia of telecommunications. They dominate the country with their sub standard and more then expensive Internet services. I would love to have gone with True, faster lines at cheaper price. But unfortunately, their lines do not reach the area which I stayed. This is not like Singapore, wherever you stay you have a choice of all providers, thanks to the first-class nationwide infrastructure superior in all ways to that of backwards Thailand.

The killer tear in your balls is when you pay your bills late. There is simply no way in which you can re-activate your services except to visit their elusive and difficult to locate main offices. If only this was True, their branches would be all over Bangkok and you could just walk in and clear you issues. TOT is as hard as a stubborn piece of shit hardened in the sun. They cannot re-activate your line, or to have your late payment invoiced in the next upcoming bill. They simply cut your lines and say “no-pay-no-line-sorry-na-ka”. As busy businessmen traveling lots and mostly not home to pay your bills on time, TOT kills you.

And so we have the avenue to go to their web, TOT e-Services they so proudly painted all over their homepage. Then the frustration begins, when the English locale you had chosen keeps switching back to the gibberish Thai characters. I cannot read Thai. And so when you try to pay your unpaid bills online, you will then learn the stubborn hard shit rules applies. The bill is shown, but the payment cannot be made, because you are late! Why in the world did they call it e-Services when it is filled with such a considerable piece of inconvenience? I tell you why. Because it is TOT.

And so I though out of the box, and tried to use their Request-For-Invoice service, hoping the bills will be reset and a new bill sent, so that I can go to the ATM and make the payments. The web site then switched to Thai, and when I clicked on English I was presented with scripting errors. For the love of Buddha, you are a leader in telecommunications and IT, and yet you have crap programmers that never check the web services thoroughly. I tell you why again. Because it is TOT.

TOT, go screw yourselves in the ass the whole lot of you, customer services and all.

TT Money Thai to Singapore

TT your Money Thai to Singapore

Yet another case I will write about on one of the numerous extra pointless manners in which foreigners like us are exclusively handled in Thailand. In this modern era where customer satisfaction is priority of all practices, banks in Thailand had taken that extra step back just to make matters more challenging for us. I had been occasionally transferring my money to Singapore just so as to pay my card bills. Reason being it is almost impossible for foreigners to enjoy the privilege of credit cards issued in this cumbersome Kingdom. I can live with that.

Just then, as I just tried to do the TT, in addition to showing my passport, I was asked to show my employment letter, my work permit and my pay slip! The volcano in me erupted and I fired away to demand an explanation. Banker informed me that this is a new regulation for Thailand is in fear that we foreigners are transferring the Kingdom’s money out disrupting the economy. We need to proof we are drawing legal salary and it is this legal salary that we are transferring out. Hello! Does my face looks square and is my sir name Shinawatra?? I explained that the target account is in my own name. It is my own money for my own use. It was a fruitless argument as the buffalo rules must be adhered to.

Great! Life in Thailand has now up a notch in ludicrousity. Remember to have all those document guys, the next time you want to TT. I almost wanted to shout in Hokkien very loud: K.N.N.B.C.C.B.

Footbon Thai & Aussie

Girl: Friend of me going to watch match football Thai & Australia at stadium.
Me: Friend you is girl?
Girl: Yes.
Me: Wow, this good na, Thai people love country real real, go support county Thailand.
Girl: No, farang (Caucasians) handsome more then men of Thai, have many many girls go watch.

…! ? Makes me really wonder if the many people that I see in cinemas watching movies are going for the story, or just watching Brad Pitt in motion. Bet they don’t understand the movies at all.

What u can get for SGD$ 3.2 Million

Two of these in one big plot of land (outside Bangkok). One for your brother and one for yourself.



Your very own resort style outdoor dining area by the pond.


Your very own little bridge across your personal pond.


And a whole assortment of water features.

Thailand, where a Singaporean’s dream comes true. Ofcoz.. its not mine. But imagine if you have a 4 million property in Singapore, one of those small properties in an upscale district. Sell all out, bring your money here and you could build your own castle.

Thai No Speak English

Yet another frustrating day almost vomiting blood just interacting in simple conversation with an insurance based car workshop. Called up the workshop and they asked what insurance company am I covered under. Naturally not being able to read the Thai company name, I answered the company name in English. They say no they don’t deal with me because they do not cover this company that I spoke. And so frustratingly we argued over the phone till I had to be physically there to show them my insurance slip and the imbeciles then recognized my claim.

And so the following day after I sent in my car, they called me and requested me to fax the driving license to them. And so I asked in Thai who to “attention” to, with the word attention in English as I do not know that word in Thai. The other end kept quite.. and repeated the fax number. After I asked them two more times who to attention to, they cut my line.

Yes, Thailand, no speaking English. And if they don’t understand you, instead of trying to understand, they cut your line and hope to leave you to another operator to handle you on your already furious state. The daily frustrations we foreigners encounter till tear balls point. No matter it be talking about getting that cable for your home, the bill payments for your mobile, the ordering of KFC even, we tear our crouch each time we try to hold a simple conversation with the Thais. We tried our best picked up their language, they tried their best to just cut us off.

Thais Love the Plastic Surgeon

Often on later night TV, you will get to see talk shows where they invite some already famous stars and talk about everything. And definitely some when in the program, photographs of before-famous will be flashed on the screen. You realized most of the time something is different, especially the breast size and the skin tone.

Thai people are very ok getting cut up and modified. One of gig’s SYT (sweet young things) friends had her ears redone, pulled back. That’s because she has (had) ears that, if capable of flapping, she will be airborne.

In hospitals when I visited the doctor for flu, the walls will be a jargon of colorful promotions with prices and pretty pictures. Breast enlargement THB4000 – 7000, double eyelids THB600, vagina modification / tightening / make like virgin / etc etc etc… about THB3000. They even have finger extension for THB 2400 and if they can do that to fingers… of course they can do that to your precious. Penis implant… THB150!!!! SGD$ 6 to make it what… big and fat? Endless possibilities under the surgeon’s knife, can I have vagina for a face thus reviving into reality the legendry Hokkien chee-bye-bin? Incredible prices… kind scary cheap to believe.

SYT friend of gig accidentally pushed her ear a little hard. Now she has one flappable ear. She has to redo the surgery.

Genetically, some people here have nostrils that can fit their thumbs in comfortably to dig the nose shit out. Noses are rather flat and holes are not like us Singaporeans, angled down. They have the base of their nose slanted up at steeper angle so riding on motorbikes means forced air induction of the normally aspirated lungs. My Chinese Thai friend told me this applies only to some of the darker native Thais from certain regions where their jaw bones are generally broader too. Imagine.. brown version of Spongebob Squarepants. So they will go surgery for their jaws and work on the nose. The general population here have a darker skin tone too. Thus many of them spend a lot of money going to spas to make themselves fair. And as for the fairer Chinese here, it’s popular to work on their boobs (most Chinese women have cute tiny pieces of meat on chest we called breast).

The idea of getting cut up and re-plastered like clay model eeks me. Why don’t they start from young? I have heard that the skulls of new born baby is soft like clay… so that means bones are soft I presume. So why not work the head of the new born like a plasticine and you can get that smaller jaw line. Pull the chin for that masculine look. Knock in the eyes with the base of your palm for deeper eye sockets like the Caucasian. Thumbs and fingers on the forehead to get Klingon from Start Trek looks, or enlarge the forehead to look like Chinese deities? Want your kid to be tall then pull the legs with some mild strength… or pull the precious so he will have 30 inch dick when reach adolescent. For identical twins, punch holes on their scalps with your fingers, one indent – Baby 1, two indents – Baby 2. But never have three indents or they become blowing ball.

The Swarm Bangkok

It was unruly. The traffic all built up causing a massive jam. It took forever for me to make that u-turn. It was just 10 am on a Sunday morning but already the traffic was crazy. It was abnormal. People came by the thousands, the walkways all crammed up. It was utter disorder. People who are tried sat on the floor, everywhere. Shouting, loud talking, turmoil, confusion, madness. Mob.. demonstration on the streets, anti-government movements?

No. it was The13th Discovery Thailand & Discovery World 2008. Yah… and Bangkok was supposed to be in disarray. Bangkok was supposed to be dangerous, all tourism business affected as reported in the news. But the crowds were still snapping up the good offers in the so many luxurious resorts across the Kingdom. Who’s missing out? Only the foreigners.

On a weekend in Singapore we can only have a good ridiculously expensive five or so resorts to spend a good night away from home. I… bored like f forever. On a weekend in Thailand, I have more then EIGHT HUNDRED resorts that I can choose to drive to and spend a good cheap night away from home. I… holiday forever.


Ridiculous jam early in the morning 10 am, people all loaded to spend their money.


Worst inside where it was extremely crowded.

Weird Car on Thai Roads

I swear to Buddha that if I had wind down my window and shout at that thing, it would jump off the flyover and explode into a fireball.

Cars like theses are invented for one purpose, to reduce the traffic congestion on roads by occupying less space. So many political figures in Thailand had promised to curb the traffic, pollution and energy problems of the country and none have done so in reality. Why haven’t they thought of heavy subsidies or mass orders for economic of scales reasons on such easily frightened cars and then increase the tax on fuel guzzling big vehicles by an unreasonable amount (just like Singapore’s COE)? All talk and do nothing, traffic jam = burning fuel for zero work done = energy waste = pollution.

Welcome to Bangkok, land of a thousand smiles, smiling in our cars because the monoxide had rendered our brains spastic, watch for that uncontrolled twitching side of our lips.

Yellow Color Red Color

This is funny…. from The Nation newspapers, 3rd Sept 2008.

As more protesters poured into Government House, where music continued to play and defiant speakers continued to address vociferous crowds, the state of emergency declared by Prime Minister Samak Sundaravej Tuesday morning seemed to have serious effects on only one person - himself.

So, the chaos had been on going for several days. In Thailand, there seems to be a color for everything. Now, anti-government protesters wear yellow, and the pro-government wears red. Guess it would not be a good time to be in your yellow or red outfits. Then how? Paint your face half yellow half red like the football fans. Wear half yellow or half red shirts, or shirts with both yellow and red horizontal stripes. Red underwear and yellow shoes. Bra left side yellow and right side red. Oh yeah and walk the streets to exhibit your neutral thoughts. Either way, either color or multi color, you still did be hit by a brick, set on fire or whacked by sticks. It seems this situation is for the disgruntled Thais to release their stress through violence. When I watched the news and saw the beatings, I simply cannot understand how the crowd decipher the guy in black was on which side. They just whacked and whacked and whacked some more.

Violent behavior, chaos and such, my Malaysian customers on long term work stint had taken their emergency trip back home. Scared again by the reports, but live still goes on for the rest of the country. The violence is localized but the imagination drove the fear. In my office, no one really seems to be worried by the situation. In the shopping center where I eat, everyone is still smiling. And so, why worry?

The union here is powerful, the utilities sector decided to go on “organized leave”. They tend to cut the power and the water, to pressure the prime minister to quit. They seemed tuned to the anti side, and show they will when needed. In retrospect I looked, our NTUC taxi drivers. Disgruntled unhappy and such, their long political talks when you ride. They complained for decades and action none. Such is life in Singapore for such is the way it has to be. It’s good, it’s bad, it’s the way it is enforced to be.

Bangkok Dangerous?

Thailand is the only country where the prime ministers have uncanny facial similarities to characters from Nickelodeon and what not. Thaksin, one look and you think of SpongeBob. Next you would expect his associates to look like Patrick. Lucky, no one had a face like a star. And so Thaksin was overthrown by the military coup and there was no one for a while. And then Thai elected a new prime minister. If for some reason this new Samak were to be in a farm holding a huge steel fork, I bet he look like something out from Journey to the West. Best still if a monk happen to be nearby.

Thailand in Chaos? The news you saw on CNN and papers, oh yes, the mob wants to over throw the prime minister, the police engaged the mob. Injuries and bloodshed a few when the police tried to control the crowd. And then the mob blamed the police for using violence. And so the mob moved in on the police headquarters and demanded the policemen who injured the crowd. All hell broke loose because the mob not happy, the mob grew in size and sprouted up in the other provinces. Then someone with a big idea decided to position the mobs on the runway, forced themselves into the airports they did. They wanted to hit the landing aeroplane's wheel with their face. So Krabi, Hat Yai and Phuket airports closed. Yes, it was true… it was so chaotic, it was a mess. There were the opposing parties, and then the supporting parties. Let them mingle move them close to each other. Let them pacify neutralize or equalize by violence, so the police would not be blamed for causing more injuries. Watch the show from the side lah, then pick up the aftermath without a sweat.

With all the news reported of violence, everyone is in danger. Oh really? So strange that people were still going to pubs, disco and clubs. We all still live everyday as it is. It was the month’s end, salary was out. Thais were still getting drunk on the past weekend, still going for their pop-pop sessions, still going for the karaoke. Chaos? Oh really?

In the tiny Singapore lives we live, we have never encountered a mob. And so we thought the mob equals to the country breaking down. And really it is not so. The news shows and focus, to show only what they wanted to show. If the camera was to turn a 180, you will get to see the traffic still going on slow, the peddlers still are selling and the karaoke girls still are working. The restaurants will all still pack, the holiday resorts on weekends will still full.

Dolly behind Car

Lately, there has been a trend that every driver seems to be picking up. Hanging cute soft toys below the rear of cars and have it exposed to every possible environmental hazard, killing them eventually at maybe 80 mile per hour on the highway. At first, it seems hanging the cuddly toys boost performance of your car. The bigger the better. Hello Kitty + 10hp. Ultraman +15hp, Superman + 20hp, Garfield +50hp no need turbo and can beat WRX. You can see them on Jazz, Taxi Vios, pickups of all makes and others. The more you hang, the better. So again, I asked the Thais…… Why?

It all started when some driver long ago ran into a pedestrian and killed him. The Thais believe the ghost will then linger in the car. So the killer driver then hung a human like figurine behind the car in the hope that the ghost will move into it instead of staying around within the cabin. I guess it will be even better when the toy is accidentally severed from the car, taking along the ghost within it, only to be run over by a 10 wheeler behind and letting out a soft but long “chow chee byeeeeeeeeeee…..” in the process. So, kill one pedestrian, hang one toy. Kill two, hang two. Kill fifty, fill up your boot with a shit load of soft toys. Having them lingering outside the car is better then having them in. Apparitions of dead materializing at the point of climax when you are doing it with your gig can result in an irreversible condition known as SPSCC (severe permanent standing cock cramp).

Anyways, the real purpose of having toys behind cars has now been lost and it became a fashion statement instead these days. This is monkey see monkey do without knowledge of basis. Now a superstitious group of Thais believe that following this trend may result in uninvited tenants of your cuddly toy, such as when you drive over the spot where the 10 wheeler ran over the detached toy of the car up front, still in the midst of softly screaming the last word “byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee….”.

The Black Car

A man suited up in bright coveralls, carrying a dead lady. I asked the Thais why are there so many of these stickers around.

Well, this sticker means the truck/van/car is meant to pick up the dead body of accident victims. Means the guy is a volunteer, sort of like Civil Defense personnel in Singapore but on an unpaid or un-forced basis. When disaster strikes, you can see a whole bunch of these people. I saw on TV one of them swam in the dirty “klong” to retrieve a dead fetus.

Strange to me it seems that I see many of these stickers on taxis, cars, buses and everything else. Maybe they think it kinky to carry attractive scanty dressed dead women. So, this is the Black Car (orh-chia) of Thailand. From our Chinese superstitious point of view, you sit in a Taxi with this means you gonna be really unlucky, because the sticker is cursing you dead.


Ok…. Definitely… some Thais are really fascinated with picking up dead scantly dressed women. This sticker inset, is all over the place as well. I believe it to be modified from the “volunteer sticker” as shown in the big picture. I think its nuts.

Anyways.. people die all the time here for weird reasons unheard of in Singapore. Big storm, bill board falls, people smashed. Then there was the recent case of a young girl who accidentally reversed her car into the pond at some parking lot. She drowned because door cannot open. And of course, people are still getting blown up every week in the south near Malaysia. There was this touching story of a police who accidentally shot a kidnapped girl and decided that he should become a monk. Then motorcycle accidents all over as usual because the irresponsible rides on opposite directions, rides three without helmets, accelerate on full speed like in movies zig zagging across traffic when a police tries to stop them. And I encountered a hit and run by one of these punksters out the front my office on a recent night. Rode on opposite direction with girlfriend as pillion, banged into my front as I braked hard not to run him over. Instead of stopping, he sped away fast and furious squeaking at high RPMs, in oncoming traffic for fear that I asked him to pay for the damage. Life is cheap for him, no helmets no responsibilities for the pillion.

Dear all, if you ever encounter a rider with no helmets riding into the path of your car and he happens to crash into you, I encourage you to run him over and forget the brakes, then reverse and run him over again. You will be doing him a favor making him reborn as a better person. And after that, hang a dolly behind your car.

Beware the Bhangra Man

Some of us would remember our younger days, what our parents said to scare us for something we did or about to do wrong. Often in Chinese families the child would be threaten with “Don’t do that ah…. the Bangkali will come to catch you….” As to why, after 3 decades on earth wondering since childhood, I finally know the answer.

I was at the Thai Immigration Bureau extending my work permit. Since this is Thialand, waiting 6 hours for a queue of only 50 is common in government departments. I spent my time glued to the chair, reading a book. There was this irritating Thai Chinese boy talking non stop, screaming, squeaking, running. Looks to me more like a spider monkey then a boy. He went around, hitting all the empty chairs like Kitaro. Mother said in Thai “Sky, come here and don’t play.” Sky??!!! Reminds me of my ex’s brother.. Looks like Johnny Bravo and brain I bet looks also like Johnny Bravo…

Anyway, there were two Indian men behind me. I can hear them complaining. “Child very irritating, very naughty. Why are there children that behave like that… blah blah blah.” The stupid kid next then climbed up the empty chair beside mine. I was about to make him eat his own testicles when suddenly I saw a huge black hairy hand slowly come out between the gap of our chairs. Slowly and eerily fingers extended going for a grab of the boy, the Indian breath close behind me. Child freak out. Run away. Indians laughing, mum unaware. Then child started stomping all chairs again and ran all over. He even smack a standing lady in her butt “Piack!!!”. Everyone was staring at the child then, bewildered. Then he fell with a hard thud as he slipped on a puddle of mineral water he spilled earlier on. The Indians went “Yesssss!!!!!!!!!!” ..

Hwah…. See…? I don’t blame the Indians. I wanted to decapitate the child myself. If Chinese parents have something to scare the child about, what about the other races? Do Indians say “Don’t do that ah…. the Chinaman will come to eat your testicles...”?

F The Thai Pumps

A petrol station in Thailand is known as a Pump. Therefore when you ask for the nearest petrol station in English to Thai people, you most likely get redirected to police station, MRT station, BTS station and whatever that has a station word in it. Shell petrol stations are known as “pump shell”, Jiffy as “pump jet”, PTT as “pump po tor tor (or something)” and so and so forth.



Petrol stations in Thailand are where you sometimes don’t find any petrol. Relying on petrol stations to pump up your flat tire can also be a frustrating experience. For some unknown reasons, 90% of the pumps I go to do not have the pump head attached. Just a hose with what looked like a severed or detached apparatus that lets air out. Could be stolen, could be run over by cars, or maybe the monkey in the jungle beside has taken it. However, if you were to drive your car up to the attendant, he will most likely have a mobile gas tank ready to pump up your tire and of course, you have to tip him after.

Sidetracking a bit to food.. Clams are known as “hoi”. Interestingly, scallops are called “hoi shell”. I guess why the Thais called scallops “hoi shell” is because the shell of the scallop looks like the logo of Shell petrol stations. The other clam species have their own version of very strange Thai callings.

Thailand Killed My Party Animal

...a blog from some time ago....

Its Saturday night. Normally a weekend in Singapore would be pub until we render the word “sober” meaningless. Why I stayed at home now blogging? What happened to the party creature in me? It’s been killed by Thai pubs. I no longer go pubbing anymore. Gig is out with friends on her once in a really blue moon party escapade. Normally I will jump at any chance to do so. But not now… nor will I party ever anymore.

Imagine even the renowned Ministry of Sound can go bust in Thailand. That can only mean one thing. Thai people do not now true music, the real stuffs that you hear in real pubs. Instead pubs here are more or less a “poser place”. The music is always hip-hop, in fact, only hip-hop, the blackman bassy rap type and the cover of old songs mixed to a fast techno tune (what is known as ah-lian music in Singapore). And there will always be that darn live band interrupting 3 times a night in colossal contrast to the hi-fidelity of electronic tune.

I want to ingest concoctions of deathly treat opposing the state of consciousness and let my mind immerse in the trippy-rhythm. I want to see the kaleidoscope of colored rays and strobes made even more untamed by my altered state infused with that good electronic beat both chaotic and yet orderly, an urge to move the body and soul and be lost in the sea of good old intoxicated close friends. I can no longer find that. Not in Thailand.

What happened to Darude, ATB, Paul Van Dyk, Fatboy Slim, Crystal Method and that like of music?? None! NONE in THAILAND! NON-EXISTENT. I declare... Thai population does not have the taste for the good kind of music. Pubbing in Thailand, for poser-losers.

(My article does not applies to all pubs in Thailand, but I believe covers the majority 99.99%. There must be one or two good ones around. Just that I don’t know where they are. Shitty.)

Strange Thai Ad

Dun ask me.. i have no idea...

Thai Seaweed

When women wears her bikini, especially if it is white, and her inverted triangular portion reveals translucently her hair growth, it is referred to as seaweed by the Thais. How very interesting.

To be a Thai Monk

I have attended many of these ceremonies. Every once in a while, I will be invited to a lunch or dinner celebration. Sometimes, it is in Bangkok, other I did have to drive gig and her mum a hundred kilometers to a secluded temple in another province. When a man comes of age, his parents will want him to undergo monk-hood. And if he agrees, it is an occasion to be proud of and a celebration will be held. Thais believe that if their son undergoes this stint, he will bring good luck to the family. Often, just before one gets married, if he has not already done the monk-hood thing, his parents will often try to force him to do so. This is because if monk-hood is done after marriage, the superstitious benefits will have to be shared by the wife’s family as well. So better take more now, then to take less after marriage. You can be a monk for any period of time. Over the weekend, a week, 3 months etc. Attending an occasion like this is much like attending a Chinese wedding, or a “mun-yue” (full moon party for baby). You give money or ang-pows.

I don’t think I wanna undergo monk-hood. They are not allowed to wear underwear. Although it may be cooling, I think this condition exposes you to mosquito bites where you don’t want them, especially if you are snoring in the night, saliva drooling, legs wide apart. For a man, monk-hood means 200 over rules to follow. Women in Thailand have their version of nun-hood. Gig does this once a year if time permits. I asked her… so if monks dun wear underwear, what about woman? Of course she gave me that god-gonna-slap-you-in-face-look and explained nuns only have 8 rules to follow. So they can be excused from feeling like a swaying papaya tree in the temples.

I Fired my Technician

A Thai once told me "Do you know why Thailand is the land of smiles? Because when you speak English to us, we don’t understand you, so we just smile back."

How true. A while ago, I fired my technician because he keeps vanishing during important work days. I send an SMS to him during his absence. "Don’t need to come to work anymore, I’m sorry."

He replied "You are welcome." .. ?????? WTF.

It’s hard to find a perfect to anything I guess. No one is 100% perfect and we just have to live with their inconvenient flaws. There is still not one good technician/engineer I can find in Thailand. Hate to say this, but most of them are simply lazy and irresponsible. The one I fired was eerily afraid of girlfriend. We work spans of late nights and continuous hours on site without going home. But this guy had his girlfriend come to the site and waited out for him, not just on one occasion. Then they would end up in a big quarrel and he had to leave, tools and in-completed work, everything left for the rest in a disorderly manner. Why so afraid? Why no backbone? My Thai workers told me that it could be because his entire family relied on this girl who drove a new Camry for financial support. How sad to be a man like this. Not just his life, but his family’s life in the hands of a women. But they also told me that’s the way it is here in Thailand. Eat a bowl of soft rice, popular scenario for men of Thailand.

Insurance No Buy

Do Thais buy insurance? Here’s their view…

Visited one of Gig’s uncle in hospital yesterday. Darn scary, his life slowly being eaten away by colon cancer. Gotta eat more vegetables boys and girls. I asked them if the uncle was on insurance. No. Thais don’t buy insurance. Why? Waste of money. The money could be used better on current things – they said. So what do they do when one falls sick and is in need of money for a major surgery? They will borrow from all relatives around. The family bond is strong and all, they expect, will help. This is the mentality here. Insurance companies may think such is a big market of unexploited opportunities but the fact is that only a fraction of the minority well educated pool of Thais are into buying policies. Such is the trend here that on such a low salary scale, priorities are put forth on immediate things such as food, lodging, transport, fashion and for the middle income - entertainment. Even the near fifties population does not have savings to fall back on and dependability on others is a strong inherent trend. Why do they not plan for the future? Two simple answers. One which is just being unable to because one is financially as it is. Second, which is majority and from what I gather around me is that, why worry about future? Why think ahead. Just relax, don’t worry be happy. Worry later.

What’s a good business for the population? Credit companies seems to be doing very well, there are so many of them here. And when one cannot service the loan and is faced with a penalty that could end in jail? Borrow from loan sharks. Eventually still unable to recover the situation? Sell body, sell daughter. It is still very popular to sell daughters. It is still good luck to be having a daughter then a son. A daughter can generate income for the family through simple ways when compared to a son. It is rumored the stall near where I work selling Thai papaya salad also sell their daughter. I finally understand why there are countless TV jokes where scantily dressed busty girls pound the salad so hard she made her boobs look like a wild Viking ride.

Go borrow, go beg, go steal if out of options. Such is life here. Sad, it’s an unfair world one would say. But hey look, when is the world ever fair? Entrepreneurs in this era so glorified by media in fast paced countries. Ever wonder what it takes to be one? Money from the spoon stuck in your asses dears. These facts of Thai lives mentioned, are the exposed reality of things revealed through enough span of time in this land of smiles. We used to be able to only see the lighter side of Thailand as packed tourist on our vacations.

Conservatives of Thai Girl

I was driving when my gig was chatting to her girlfriends behind. Me the only alpha male in the herd of chatty young things. The conversation grew stranger with every click of the odometer. They were talking about g-strings. Frankly, I never have or will wear one, I fear my balls may get entangled on that thread like apparel and I bet they will turn green and die eventually of strangulation. Seems like the only one in the herd that ever wore a g-stirng was gig. The rest were asking her funny questions like ain’t that uncomfortable, don’t people get to see your butt meat when in skirts? Does it feel weird to have your butt hanging freely and an assortment of other very extraordinary and wonderful questions. Well, since there were only three passengers, I would assume then from simple conclusion that 66.66% of Thai girls have never wore a g-string before.


Its Thailand, where when going for a swim, girls are in full t-shirt and shorts, padded bras and panties within. Daring bikinis are only seen in hot tourist zones but never in a normal local setting.

King Naresuan vs LKY

A blog entry from 2007…..

The second part of this trilogy movie was out. I went to watch it. Finally for the first successful time in Thailand, I watched a Thai movie with English subtitles available. The King, still a prince then, was of righteous and virtuous royalty. Being sabotage many times over by new King of Hongsawadee (Burma’s strong city), the big bully who continually waged war on all other small cities, he managed to sway some small cities over to his side. To wage an unfair war on Hongsawadee, an army of 500,000 to a small strength of 30,000. He was intelligent as hell with his war strategies and knocked the life out of many the enemy whose only strategy was headstrong stubborn attacks. Thus eventually, he gained the independence for Autthaya (the stronger city in Thailand back then), away from the crutches of a higher control - freedom. The final scene was that of the King, who was passed down a secret weapon, a rifle well over the height of a man. And from across a wide river, he shot the general on the opposite force dead. It stirred something in me, that I am proud to live in this land. The history of Thailand is rich and original, and I felt for the bravery of the past wars. I will eagerly await part III, to learn the full history of Thailand and how her provinces came to be as now. There is identity in Thailand, there is the courage to be proud of. There is the language that only Thailand speaks, originality again. Part III will only be out in December, to coincide with the King’s birthday. Such loyalty in Thailand, such unconditional love for the King.

Now… Singapore… what culture, what history? Singapore is but a mongrel of cultures. We have no originality and no rich history. No bravery and only the war that Japan came was more like a takeover then a fight. And it took the Americans to defeat Japan on the other side of the world leading to a natural surrender on Singapore. The only thing we have is money and now we throw at other peoples’ faces. The Anti-Singapore sentiments grow stronger in Thailand each day. Yesterday I read in the news that there was a group of protesters demonstrating against the use of Thailand for Singapore’s Air Force training northeast. They carried the signs that read “Singapore Get OUT”, “Thailand is not for Rent”. They burnt the Singapore flag and stepped on it. They made a voodoo doll of Lee Hsien Long and burnt it. And the Thailand papers reported that in Singapore, the remains of an elderly woman were found. She died alone. Her foot bones were found on the two sides of the toilet. The rest of her bones were found in the toilet bowl. So what I wrote about the Singapore Dream II is but coming true.

Ok… the only thing I proud for Singapore… our language. That one got abit originality, but again it’s a mongrel of languages. There was a show called Windtalkers, where American soldiers spoke in code and the enemy could not understand. If Singapore got war, no foreign enemy will be able to decipher what we say. We do not need any encryption technology, we are Cocktalkers.

So, if we were to make patriotic movie about the history of Singapore for the people, I am afraid it would only meant failure. Or the government could pass a rule to force all to watch or be thrown in jail, which will be success. There will be no substance, and the ending scene of the Singapore Movie would probably be that with a background of PAP logos, of LKY shouting some famous hokkien mother versus on some ah-bengs who stuck chewing gum on his new found MRT toy.

Yellow Supremacy?

And to think that Thailand has no Chinese New Year atmosphere, Singapore is worst. What festive mood where there when there were no firecrackers. What festive mood when you are controlled and can’t celebrate like a real Chinese, your cultural and all? At least I was woken by a thousand loud firecrackers 6am on the eve of New Year, some rare Chinese in Bangkok, tradition preserved and freedom.

I stared around, I scanned the people of Singapore. I closed my ears and I see Thailand. Hey. We are all the same. Take away the speech and the yellow looks Thai Chinese, descended from the mainland. The brown just look like local Thais, true people of the land. The black.. cannot hide… I know they came from India. In fact, a thousand years ago, I think there were only the brown throughout this region and that they are now separated by the line of religion, language and nationality.

I have to admit, we Chinese are assholes. We infiltrated the other lands. We spread all over like wild monkeys, driven by greed. Thais told me in the old days, no one worked hard. All is easy, a farm, some food, simple enjoyments, life in nature. And when we Chinamen came, we drove the economy up, and the locals were left with no choice, but to reluctantly work harder. Or then be left in the slumps of modernization which many are in as now. Australia again, Chinese and all now. Land prices doubled over five years. So how’s the easy Aussie life coping? Work harder, work longer, kill the chings. Even at young, we Chinese are thought to be competitive. I was at the pool, a father forced his children to compete and timed them. Crazy Singaporeans, nothing better to do, in fact, really nothing better to do. One up side, we are smarter, professional, efficient and cunning. Bad for others. Want proof? Chinese New Year in Singapore, who’s been left to work? My sister ordered pancakes from Macs, delivered for breakfast. Then came them without butter or syrup. She called complained. Then came a free delivery. Same missing items. She called, was put on hold forever, she gave up on them brown brothers. I bet if we got the third delivery, it will come with mutton curry. Anyway, we Chinese – industrious ambitious ASSHOLES.

Why? Too regimental. My mum, Singaporean, Malaysia PR. Drove KL car in. Got stopped by police. Was told the rule Singaporeans cannot drive foreign cars in Singapore. How the fuck was she supposes to know? No second chance give, ignorance is not an excuse. They sent a letter three months later to her home in Malaysia. Ordered her to Singapore court. She pleaded guilty. Fined SGD$300. Why not put the rule book at causeway and make every entrant read them for one hour and undergo a test before permitted to enter then. Why so many of us left Singapore… now I know why. It’s a restrictive cage and you put toys in there for them blind Singaporean rats to occupy themselves with.

Yellow supremacy? Yellow nothing better to do in Singapore. Rat race life. The chase for materialisms. My friends, all in the chase till death. I choose to be simple and to experience the true meaning of happy-hood.

Thai Wedding

Something interesting about a Thai wedding is that for what seems to be Chinese Red Packet (Ang Pow) to be given, use any nice envelope will do and put the money within. Then write you name across the front and stapler it right down the center, through the contents. Why I asked? Thais said then on the morning after the wedding, the bride and groom will have a hard time getting the money out. And when they are at it, they will see your name and be aware that you have contributed. My friend did that with his nails till they are all chipped out and yes, he remembered every one of them contributed.

The normal amount to give would be THB$500 (SGD$20 only - considered high) and you could bring your whole family along for that. No reservations required and let the seating mess up, it always does anyway. Even when the Thais are invited to Singapore for weddings, they will still stick to the same amount or lower and as such, your Thai tables will sure be money looser.

A Thai wedding is much like us Chinese weddings. Waking up at ungodly hours to benefit from the superstitious good timing, a Mercedes decorated, Yam-Char (drink tea) with parents in houses of both sides and a grand wedding dinner. Well not so grand actually for the normal average as the dinner will be held at badminton halls and such public facilities. Hotel weddings are very rare and only for the rich. See photos under Thai Wedding Dec 2005.

Anyway, next time I attend a wedding, I will make sure the paired couple remember me not for just a week, but for a decade for the packet offered below.

Non-existent Customer Service in Thai Banks

To all foreigners like me working here, it is next to impossible for us to get a Credit Card if you happen to be getting the standard “Thai” class salary. Why it is that banks here do not understand the fact that being a foreigner does not mean we have access to unlimited amount of legal tender? You need a salary scale at least 5 times that of the average Thai THB$15,000.

Initially when I tried to apply with SCB (Siam Commercial Bank), I got rejected several times with no apparent explanation except for the usual “regret to inform you” letter. The staff in the branch could not tell me where my application went wrong even thought my salary is definitely a few times above the average. That was until I decided to write an email to ask SCB if there exist a double standard involved for foreigners. In the country I come from, we get replies immediately the next working day but here, it takes a lot of effort to get customer service to response. I resent the email a total of 6 times. For the record, it took almost 14 days to get a response. They finally cleared the air that I needed a monthly salary of THB$100,000 (huge contrast to THB$15,000 for locals).

With the questioned answered, I know now foreigners with average income like me can forget about getting any credit facilities from the foreigner unfriendly SCB. So I approach UOB (United Overseas Bank) bank in Ratchada crying out my problem. They were kind enough to speak to me whom sometimes still cannot make complete intelligent sentences in Thai. The staff explained that unlike SCB, UOB does not have this double standard applied to foreigners. They encouraged me to open a saving account with them so as to facilitate the application of a UOB credit card and for easy future payments. Thus I took the trouble and did as they said. First of all it is not easy for foreigners to fill up banking application forms. They are never in English. So it was a cumbersome few days for me getting translation services.

To cut things short, I got my card application rejected by the UOB and am stuck with a UOB saving account of no purpose. The explanation in the letter is that my income does not meet requirements (although it definitely does). I have written an email to them to ask why I was deceived. It has been a week now with no reply and I don’t think I ever will. Getting shoddy services, double standard treatments and paying a “foreigner price” for almost everything when eating, shopping or staying are all part of fun of living and working in Thailand. But to get the same from banks where we trust our money with is not within any acceptable limits of threshold.

Festive Gifts

During the New Year, companies will send gifts (aka bribery) to customers and neighbors will exchange gifts in the community. Eggs. You can wrap a dozen eggs in one basket give it to your friends, neighbors, mother, GF’s family etc. Why I asked? They told me everyone eats eggs. It’s a common food item. Eggs = gifts.

Rain Dance

Here’s something new. In the villages, when there is a drought, they will do a rain dance. Rain dance is done by carrying a black cat over your head and running naked wildly around the perimeter of your village three times chanting hysterically. Just kidding…

The real thing I heard, is similar to our Chinese Taoist “Tiao Dang” customs. The fat black cat will be sort of placed in an altar carried by four people and they would circle the village. I am not sure if they are suppose to shake the cat violently until it is senseless like how the Taoist shake the possessed altar. Interesting Thai customs.

Un-caged Yellow Birds

An article from sometime ago……

Another week gone by, another mad week of driving in and out of Bangkok. Another week of work, another week of meeting the endless queue of people from Singapore. My ex girlfriend was here and so I finally had the chance to bring her to a good real Thai dinner. It was good to see her again and be briefed on the life of others I so not seen for long.

Time. Where are they? Gathered in all the small fissures of work periods, meetings and ridiculous project schedules. How can I gather them altogether? I need time management. I can’t work like a machine. I will burn a fuse sooner or later. I need time for breaks and to catch up with people around. But for now I can’t rest, I have to work to the limits of my capabilities. But for this stage of my life, when one is still in the mid of nowhere burning fuel fast towards one’s final dream, one can’t rest. I want to overwork my mental pistons and yet I want to rest. I want to be lazy and yet I want to excel. Where am I?

I have to juggle all jobs at one go, with only one self, one mind and one body. This land is lacking in engineering skills and professional workmanship. I showcased my talents and suddenly I landed myself in a deep work ditch. Expectations from others I know has now been set at a new height. I drove myself into this. I will work on. I will learn on. Oh shit.

A long time ago, I was a lazy soul embedded in a cycle of everyday mundane work. Knowing what will come the next day, and how little work I should do. I was just the typical employee, do what I am paid and please not ask more of me. Then when I self picked a skill not related to my work, I told to myself, someday it be useful. I never knew this decision could land me here and now, ten years later.

Everyday, I look mentally at my friends back home. The same life everyday, the same routine. The same small land. The same places to go for dinner. The same places to go for show. And surprisingly, the same category of complains and mental state from so many different people, from all walks of life. There is only so much they can do back home. Most of the time, a beautiful dream there, can only be a dream. The environment does not allow for them to steer towards a dream, unless of course they are fitly rich. However, the good side is life will be more or less predictable. They know what’s coming and they know their life is dependable on everything surrounding that they can find or live in. Life is controlled, safe and certain. And all, share one common goal. Work, get married, pay through nose for house, have kids. Die.

But here I am, in land of uncertainty. Don’t know where my guts came from but it must be in my blood. My cousin once said, that all in our family are weird. Where our ancestors tried so hard to move into an island so far away from China, we, this generation has exploded like the sparks of fireworks out of the Island. She is in Hong Kong. Another is in States. And more are all over the world, but never in Singapore. We share the same elements in our blood. We are birds not to be caged. We are too big for the Island.

My family is not the only ones that have outgrown Singapore. There are many of us now. I have met others form the Island and some have really impressed me on how they blended in. There are many of us here now in Thailand and other places. And I discovered we have one distinct characteristic that people on the Island does not have. We have the inner peace and satisfaction glowing beyond the boundaries of flesh and skin. We are happy, we the un-caged yellow birds.

Bangkok Population Survey

The majority working force in Bangkok who can afford cars holds the post of: Causing Major Traffic Jams. For the part-time work force in Bangkok, their main occupations are: Causing Major Traffic Jams on Weekends and After Office Hours. The significant unemployed pool of people, freelance as: Contributor to Traffic on Roads Whenever. Bangkokians do not like to stay at home. They prefer to live their free time out in cars.

Buying a TV in Thailand

An old post..... from 2005....
I no Speak Thai, I Want My TV, GIMME THAT DARN TV!

Wow…. CNY already… so darn fast. I thought there did be some celebrations of sorts here. But nay…. Nothing. All I saw late night yesterday was some people praying to “tnee gong”… Chinese obviously.

This CNY… is really different for me.. unlike back in SG where u can feel the mood, I dun feel no shit atmosphere here. I was at a project site yesterday, started from Bangkok at 6pm and returned only at 5am this morning. What a way to spend my CNY right? Well neber mind… I will wait for the Thai New Year to come in April where everyone tries to drown each other. I bet it did be more fun then CNY in SG… and hehehe… I get to play fireworks I guess.

Just read orgu’s blog… wahhh paing… can laugh until die one. And also just read RJ’s. Spent the morning calling my mum, dad and whatever relatives I can back in SG to greet them CNY. Now back in office work. I think I need a massage… neck pain from last week is gone.. but now feel neck stressed.

Just did a simulation for a server migration in me computer systems in office, in preparation for an out country job this Friday. Will be traveling again. Will be coming back, if all goes well, on Saturday.

Just now… during lunch… went to buy a TV. There is this great big departmental store nearby office called BigC. I have been eyeing a Samsung for a very long time.. Nicam, 21” and small enough to fit in me small room. When I went there and approach the sales guy and pointed to the TV.. wah paings.. problem come.

He started blabbering away… in Thai of course.. and pointed me to another TV.. a Phillips.. and then to Sony and Etc. I tried my best to tell him… hey dude… look .. I want the Samsung. Realizing that I speak darn lousy Thai and that I am a foreigner.. he asked another of his college to assist. So there came this new chap… and I told him I wanted the Samsung.. pointed to that TV that I have eyed for some time.

Now… this new chap… was pushing some Sonys on a crate around.. before I knew it.. he unpacked the divine SONY WEGA and place it on a table top and blabber away. I said.. I know it’s nice this sony weggie but look… my table too small… unable to put this ok???

That smart chap then magically produce a measuring tape. Went over to the same friggin Phillips and started showing me measurements. WHATS WITH THE FUGGING PHILLIPS ANYWAY? At that point in time… I feel like grabbing the demo remote control and shove it into his eye socket. Since its CNY.. I decided to stay calm and avoided that approach.

Calmly.. I said to him that I am sorry but I wanted the Samsung… this Phillips too big with its extruding speakers by the side. So… I walk back to where the Samsung was. He followed and I thought… ok I can get my Samsung now.

I approached the Samsung… and there I was… next to my object of desire. With my diminishing patience and ever increasing tear in my balls, he started on the celestial WEGA again… Oh my fuggin shit!!! Where in my actions and lousy Thai does he not understood… I WANT THE FRIGGIN SAMSUNG! I told him off.. and said sorry as best as I could.. and finally he stared packing the WEGA.

And then he walked somewhere and told me to wait. And so I waited… and waited… AND REALLY WAITED. There must be this aura of stupidity glowing out of me or something for no one seems to be coming to aid in my purchase. I turned to another chap standing nearby… pointed to the Samsung, like a monkey pointing to bananas in the zoo, trying to grab the attention of visitors. By then, he already realized I speak no Thai.. and so treid to refer me to another college. I do not wished to be match made with the fuggin Phillips again.. and so I walked away. Balls totally torn.

I walked to the departmental store next door… and was able to commited the purchase in less then 15 minutes… To hell with BigC.