Dolly behind Car

Lately, there has been a trend that every driver seems to be picking up. Hanging cute soft toys below the rear of cars and have it exposed to every possible environmental hazard, killing them eventually at maybe 80 mile per hour on the highway. At first, it seems hanging the cuddly toys boost performance of your car. The bigger the better. Hello Kitty + 10hp. Ultraman +15hp, Superman + 20hp, Garfield +50hp no need turbo and can beat WRX. You can see them on Jazz, Taxi Vios, pickups of all makes and others. The more you hang, the better. So again, I asked the Thais…… Why?

It all started when some driver long ago ran into a pedestrian and killed him. The Thais believe the ghost will then linger in the car. So the killer driver then hung a human like figurine behind the car in the hope that the ghost will move into it instead of staying around within the cabin. I guess it will be even better when the toy is accidentally severed from the car, taking along the ghost within it, only to be run over by a 10 wheeler behind and letting out a soft but long “chow chee byeeeeeeeeeee…..” in the process. So, kill one pedestrian, hang one toy. Kill two, hang two. Kill fifty, fill up your boot with a shit load of soft toys. Having them lingering outside the car is better then having them in. Apparitions of dead materializing at the point of climax when you are doing it with your gig can result in an irreversible condition known as SPSCC (severe permanent standing cock cramp).

Anyways, the real purpose of having toys behind cars has now been lost and it became a fashion statement instead these days. This is monkey see monkey do without knowledge of basis. Now a superstitious group of Thais believe that following this trend may result in uninvited tenants of your cuddly toy, such as when you drive over the spot where the 10 wheeler ran over the detached toy of the car up front, still in the midst of softly screaming the last word “byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee….”.

The Black Car

A man suited up in bright coveralls, carrying a dead lady. I asked the Thais why are there so many of these stickers around.

Well, this sticker means the truck/van/car is meant to pick up the dead body of accident victims. Means the guy is a volunteer, sort of like Civil Defense personnel in Singapore but on an unpaid or un-forced basis. When disaster strikes, you can see a whole bunch of these people. I saw on TV one of them swam in the dirty “klong” to retrieve a dead fetus.

Strange to me it seems that I see many of these stickers on taxis, cars, buses and everything else. Maybe they think it kinky to carry attractive scanty dressed dead women. So, this is the Black Car (orh-chia) of Thailand. From our Chinese superstitious point of view, you sit in a Taxi with this means you gonna be really unlucky, because the sticker is cursing you dead.


Ok…. Definitely… some Thais are really fascinated with picking up dead scantly dressed women. This sticker inset, is all over the place as well. I believe it to be modified from the “volunteer sticker” as shown in the big picture. I think its nuts.

Anyways.. people die all the time here for weird reasons unheard of in Singapore. Big storm, bill board falls, people smashed. Then there was the recent case of a young girl who accidentally reversed her car into the pond at some parking lot. She drowned because door cannot open. And of course, people are still getting blown up every week in the south near Malaysia. There was this touching story of a police who accidentally shot a kidnapped girl and decided that he should become a monk. Then motorcycle accidents all over as usual because the irresponsible rides on opposite directions, rides three without helmets, accelerate on full speed like in movies zig zagging across traffic when a police tries to stop them. And I encountered a hit and run by one of these punksters out the front my office on a recent night. Rode on opposite direction with girlfriend as pillion, banged into my front as I braked hard not to run him over. Instead of stopping, he sped away fast and furious squeaking at high RPMs, in oncoming traffic for fear that I asked him to pay for the damage. Life is cheap for him, no helmets no responsibilities for the pillion.

Dear all, if you ever encounter a rider with no helmets riding into the path of your car and he happens to crash into you, I encourage you to run him over and forget the brakes, then reverse and run him over again. You will be doing him a favor making him reborn as a better person. And after that, hang a dolly behind your car.

Beware the Bhangra Man

Some of us would remember our younger days, what our parents said to scare us for something we did or about to do wrong. Often in Chinese families the child would be threaten with “Don’t do that ah…. the Bangkali will come to catch you….” As to why, after 3 decades on earth wondering since childhood, I finally know the answer.

I was at the Thai Immigration Bureau extending my work permit. Since this is Thialand, waiting 6 hours for a queue of only 50 is common in government departments. I spent my time glued to the chair, reading a book. There was this irritating Thai Chinese boy talking non stop, screaming, squeaking, running. Looks to me more like a spider monkey then a boy. He went around, hitting all the empty chairs like Kitaro. Mother said in Thai “Sky, come here and don’t play.” Sky??!!! Reminds me of my ex’s brother.. Looks like Johnny Bravo and brain I bet looks also like Johnny Bravo…

Anyway, there were two Indian men behind me. I can hear them complaining. “Child very irritating, very naughty. Why are there children that behave like that… blah blah blah.” The stupid kid next then climbed up the empty chair beside mine. I was about to make him eat his own testicles when suddenly I saw a huge black hairy hand slowly come out between the gap of our chairs. Slowly and eerily fingers extended going for a grab of the boy, the Indian breath close behind me. Child freak out. Run away. Indians laughing, mum unaware. Then child started stomping all chairs again and ran all over. He even smack a standing lady in her butt “Piack!!!”. Everyone was staring at the child then, bewildered. Then he fell with a hard thud as he slipped on a puddle of mineral water he spilled earlier on. The Indians went “Yesssss!!!!!!!!!!” ..

Hwah…. See…? I don’t blame the Indians. I wanted to decapitate the child myself. If Chinese parents have something to scare the child about, what about the other races? Do Indians say “Don’t do that ah…. the Chinaman will come to eat your testicles...”?

F The Thai Pumps

A petrol station in Thailand is known as a Pump. Therefore when you ask for the nearest petrol station in English to Thai people, you most likely get redirected to police station, MRT station, BTS station and whatever that has a station word in it. Shell petrol stations are known as “pump shell”, Jiffy as “pump jet”, PTT as “pump po tor tor (or something)” and so and so forth.



Petrol stations in Thailand are where you sometimes don’t find any petrol. Relying on petrol stations to pump up your flat tire can also be a frustrating experience. For some unknown reasons, 90% of the pumps I go to do not have the pump head attached. Just a hose with what looked like a severed or detached apparatus that lets air out. Could be stolen, could be run over by cars, or maybe the monkey in the jungle beside has taken it. However, if you were to drive your car up to the attendant, he will most likely have a mobile gas tank ready to pump up your tire and of course, you have to tip him after.

Sidetracking a bit to food.. Clams are known as “hoi”. Interestingly, scallops are called “hoi shell”. I guess why the Thais called scallops “hoi shell” is because the shell of the scallop looks like the logo of Shell petrol stations. The other clam species have their own version of very strange Thai callings.

Thailand Killed My Party Animal

...a blog from some time ago....

Its Saturday night. Normally a weekend in Singapore would be pub until we render the word “sober” meaningless. Why I stayed at home now blogging? What happened to the party creature in me? It’s been killed by Thai pubs. I no longer go pubbing anymore. Gig is out with friends on her once in a really blue moon party escapade. Normally I will jump at any chance to do so. But not now… nor will I party ever anymore.

Imagine even the renowned Ministry of Sound can go bust in Thailand. That can only mean one thing. Thai people do not now true music, the real stuffs that you hear in real pubs. Instead pubs here are more or less a “poser place”. The music is always hip-hop, in fact, only hip-hop, the blackman bassy rap type and the cover of old songs mixed to a fast techno tune (what is known as ah-lian music in Singapore). And there will always be that darn live band interrupting 3 times a night in colossal contrast to the hi-fidelity of electronic tune.

I want to ingest concoctions of deathly treat opposing the state of consciousness and let my mind immerse in the trippy-rhythm. I want to see the kaleidoscope of colored rays and strobes made even more untamed by my altered state infused with that good electronic beat both chaotic and yet orderly, an urge to move the body and soul and be lost in the sea of good old intoxicated close friends. I can no longer find that. Not in Thailand.

What happened to Darude, ATB, Paul Van Dyk, Fatboy Slim, Crystal Method and that like of music?? None! NONE in THAILAND! NON-EXISTENT. I declare... Thai population does not have the taste for the good kind of music. Pubbing in Thailand, for poser-losers.

(My article does not applies to all pubs in Thailand, but I believe covers the majority 99.99%. There must be one or two good ones around. Just that I don’t know where they are. Shitty.)

Strange Thai Ad

Dun ask me.. i have no idea...

Thai Seaweed

When women wears her bikini, especially if it is white, and her inverted triangular portion reveals translucently her hair growth, it is referred to as seaweed by the Thais. How very interesting.