Internet Services in Thailand

Whatever you do, don’t sign up with TOT. TOT is the mafia of telecommunications. They dominate the country with their sub standard and more then expensive Internet services. I would love to have gone with True, faster lines at cheaper price. But unfortunately, their lines do not reach the area which I stayed. This is not like Singapore, wherever you stay you have a choice of all providers, thanks to the first-class nationwide infrastructure superior in all ways to that of backwards Thailand.

The killer tear in your balls is when you pay your bills late. There is simply no way in which you can re-activate your services except to visit their elusive and difficult to locate main offices. If only this was True, their branches would be all over Bangkok and you could just walk in and clear you issues. TOT is as hard as a stubborn piece of shit hardened in the sun. They cannot re-activate your line, or to have your late payment invoiced in the next upcoming bill. They simply cut your lines and say “no-pay-no-line-sorry-na-ka”. As busy businessmen traveling lots and mostly not home to pay your bills on time, TOT kills you.

And so we have the avenue to go to their web, TOT e-Services they so proudly painted all over their homepage. Then the frustration begins, when the English locale you had chosen keeps switching back to the gibberish Thai characters. I cannot read Thai. And so when you try to pay your unpaid bills online, you will then learn the stubborn hard shit rules applies. The bill is shown, but the payment cannot be made, because you are late! Why in the world did they call it e-Services when it is filled with such a considerable piece of inconvenience? I tell you why. Because it is TOT.

And so I though out of the box, and tried to use their Request-For-Invoice service, hoping the bills will be reset and a new bill sent, so that I can go to the ATM and make the payments. The web site then switched to Thai, and when I clicked on English I was presented with scripting errors. For the love of Buddha, you are a leader in telecommunications and IT, and yet you have crap programmers that never check the web services thoroughly. I tell you why again. Because it is TOT.

TOT, go screw yourselves in the ass the whole lot of you, customer services and all.

TT Money Thai to Singapore

TT your Money Thai to Singapore

Yet another case I will write about on one of the numerous extra pointless manners in which foreigners like us are exclusively handled in Thailand. In this modern era where customer satisfaction is priority of all practices, banks in Thailand had taken that extra step back just to make matters more challenging for us. I had been occasionally transferring my money to Singapore just so as to pay my card bills. Reason being it is almost impossible for foreigners to enjoy the privilege of credit cards issued in this cumbersome Kingdom. I can live with that.

Just then, as I just tried to do the TT, in addition to showing my passport, I was asked to show my employment letter, my work permit and my pay slip! The volcano in me erupted and I fired away to demand an explanation. Banker informed me that this is a new regulation for Thailand is in fear that we foreigners are transferring the Kingdom’s money out disrupting the economy. We need to proof we are drawing legal salary and it is this legal salary that we are transferring out. Hello! Does my face looks square and is my sir name Shinawatra?? I explained that the target account is in my own name. It is my own money for my own use. It was a fruitless argument as the buffalo rules must be adhered to.

Great! Life in Thailand has now up a notch in ludicrousity. Remember to have all those document guys, the next time you want to TT. I almost wanted to shout in Hokkien very loud: K.N.N.B.C.C.B.

Footbon Thai & Aussie

Girl: Friend of me going to watch match football Thai & Australia at stadium.
Me: Friend you is girl?
Girl: Yes.
Me: Wow, this good na, Thai people love country real real, go support county Thailand.
Girl: No, farang (Caucasians) handsome more then men of Thai, have many many girls go watch.

…! ? Makes me really wonder if the many people that I see in cinemas watching movies are going for the story, or just watching Brad Pitt in motion. Bet they don’t understand the movies at all.

What u can get for SGD$ 3.2 Million

Two of these in one big plot of land (outside Bangkok). One for your brother and one for yourself.



Your very own resort style outdoor dining area by the pond.


Your very own little bridge across your personal pond.


And a whole assortment of water features.

Thailand, where a Singaporean’s dream comes true. Ofcoz.. its not mine. But imagine if you have a 4 million property in Singapore, one of those small properties in an upscale district. Sell all out, bring your money here and you could build your own castle.

Thai No Speak English

Yet another frustrating day almost vomiting blood just interacting in simple conversation with an insurance based car workshop. Called up the workshop and they asked what insurance company am I covered under. Naturally not being able to read the Thai company name, I answered the company name in English. They say no they don’t deal with me because they do not cover this company that I spoke. And so frustratingly we argued over the phone till I had to be physically there to show them my insurance slip and the imbeciles then recognized my claim.

And so the following day after I sent in my car, they called me and requested me to fax the driving license to them. And so I asked in Thai who to “attention” to, with the word attention in English as I do not know that word in Thai. The other end kept quite.. and repeated the fax number. After I asked them two more times who to attention to, they cut my line.

Yes, Thailand, no speaking English. And if they don’t understand you, instead of trying to understand, they cut your line and hope to leave you to another operator to handle you on your already furious state. The daily frustrations we foreigners encounter till tear balls point. No matter it be talking about getting that cable for your home, the bill payments for your mobile, the ordering of KFC even, we tear our crouch each time we try to hold a simple conversation with the Thais. We tried our best picked up their language, they tried their best to just cut us off.

Thais Love the Plastic Surgeon

Often on later night TV, you will get to see talk shows where they invite some already famous stars and talk about everything. And definitely some when in the program, photographs of before-famous will be flashed on the screen. You realized most of the time something is different, especially the breast size and the skin tone.

Thai people are very ok getting cut up and modified. One of gig’s SYT (sweet young things) friends had her ears redone, pulled back. That’s because she has (had) ears that, if capable of flapping, she will be airborne.

In hospitals when I visited the doctor for flu, the walls will be a jargon of colorful promotions with prices and pretty pictures. Breast enlargement THB4000 – 7000, double eyelids THB600, vagina modification / tightening / make like virgin / etc etc etc… about THB3000. They even have finger extension for THB 2400 and if they can do that to fingers… of course they can do that to your precious. Penis implant… THB150!!!! SGD$ 6 to make it what… big and fat? Endless possibilities under the surgeon’s knife, can I have vagina for a face thus reviving into reality the legendry Hokkien chee-bye-bin? Incredible prices… kind scary cheap to believe.

SYT friend of gig accidentally pushed her ear a little hard. Now she has one flappable ear. She has to redo the surgery.

Genetically, some people here have nostrils that can fit their thumbs in comfortably to dig the nose shit out. Noses are rather flat and holes are not like us Singaporeans, angled down. They have the base of their nose slanted up at steeper angle so riding on motorbikes means forced air induction of the normally aspirated lungs. My Chinese Thai friend told me this applies only to some of the darker native Thais from certain regions where their jaw bones are generally broader too. Imagine.. brown version of Spongebob Squarepants. So they will go surgery for their jaws and work on the nose. The general population here have a darker skin tone too. Thus many of them spend a lot of money going to spas to make themselves fair. And as for the fairer Chinese here, it’s popular to work on their boobs (most Chinese women have cute tiny pieces of meat on chest we called breast).

The idea of getting cut up and re-plastered like clay model eeks me. Why don’t they start from young? I have heard that the skulls of new born baby is soft like clay… so that means bones are soft I presume. So why not work the head of the new born like a plasticine and you can get that smaller jaw line. Pull the chin for that masculine look. Knock in the eyes with the base of your palm for deeper eye sockets like the Caucasian. Thumbs and fingers on the forehead to get Klingon from Start Trek looks, or enlarge the forehead to look like Chinese deities? Want your kid to be tall then pull the legs with some mild strength… or pull the precious so he will have 30 inch dick when reach adolescent. For identical twins, punch holes on their scalps with your fingers, one indent – Baby 1, two indents – Baby 2. But never have three indents or they become blowing ball.

The Swarm Bangkok

It was unruly. The traffic all built up causing a massive jam. It took forever for me to make that u-turn. It was just 10 am on a Sunday morning but already the traffic was crazy. It was abnormal. People came by the thousands, the walkways all crammed up. It was utter disorder. People who are tried sat on the floor, everywhere. Shouting, loud talking, turmoil, confusion, madness. Mob.. demonstration on the streets, anti-government movements?

No. it was The13th Discovery Thailand & Discovery World 2008. Yah… and Bangkok was supposed to be in disarray. Bangkok was supposed to be dangerous, all tourism business affected as reported in the news. But the crowds were still snapping up the good offers in the so many luxurious resorts across the Kingdom. Who’s missing out? Only the foreigners.

On a weekend in Singapore we can only have a good ridiculously expensive five or so resorts to spend a good night away from home. I… bored like f forever. On a weekend in Thailand, I have more then EIGHT HUNDRED resorts that I can choose to drive to and spend a good cheap night away from home. I… holiday forever.


Ridiculous jam early in the morning 10 am, people all loaded to spend their money.


Worst inside where it was extremely crowded.

Weird Car on Thai Roads

I swear to Buddha that if I had wind down my window and shout at that thing, it would jump off the flyover and explode into a fireball.

Cars like theses are invented for one purpose, to reduce the traffic congestion on roads by occupying less space. So many political figures in Thailand had promised to curb the traffic, pollution and energy problems of the country and none have done so in reality. Why haven’t they thought of heavy subsidies or mass orders for economic of scales reasons on such easily frightened cars and then increase the tax on fuel guzzling big vehicles by an unreasonable amount (just like Singapore’s COE)? All talk and do nothing, traffic jam = burning fuel for zero work done = energy waste = pollution.

Welcome to Bangkok, land of a thousand smiles, smiling in our cars because the monoxide had rendered our brains spastic, watch for that uncontrolled twitching side of our lips.

Yellow Color Red Color

This is funny…. from The Nation newspapers, 3rd Sept 2008.

As more protesters poured into Government House, where music continued to play and defiant speakers continued to address vociferous crowds, the state of emergency declared by Prime Minister Samak Sundaravej Tuesday morning seemed to have serious effects on only one person - himself.

So, the chaos had been on going for several days. In Thailand, there seems to be a color for everything. Now, anti-government protesters wear yellow, and the pro-government wears red. Guess it would not be a good time to be in your yellow or red outfits. Then how? Paint your face half yellow half red like the football fans. Wear half yellow or half red shirts, or shirts with both yellow and red horizontal stripes. Red underwear and yellow shoes. Bra left side yellow and right side red. Oh yeah and walk the streets to exhibit your neutral thoughts. Either way, either color or multi color, you still did be hit by a brick, set on fire or whacked by sticks. It seems this situation is for the disgruntled Thais to release their stress through violence. When I watched the news and saw the beatings, I simply cannot understand how the crowd decipher the guy in black was on which side. They just whacked and whacked and whacked some more.

Violent behavior, chaos and such, my Malaysian customers on long term work stint had taken their emergency trip back home. Scared again by the reports, but live still goes on for the rest of the country. The violence is localized but the imagination drove the fear. In my office, no one really seems to be worried by the situation. In the shopping center where I eat, everyone is still smiling. And so, why worry?

The union here is powerful, the utilities sector decided to go on “organized leave”. They tend to cut the power and the water, to pressure the prime minister to quit. They seemed tuned to the anti side, and show they will when needed. In retrospect I looked, our NTUC taxi drivers. Disgruntled unhappy and such, their long political talks when you ride. They complained for decades and action none. Such is life in Singapore for such is the way it has to be. It’s good, it’s bad, it’s the way it is enforced to be.

Bangkok Dangerous?

Thailand is the only country where the prime ministers have uncanny facial similarities to characters from Nickelodeon and what not. Thaksin, one look and you think of SpongeBob. Next you would expect his associates to look like Patrick. Lucky, no one had a face like a star. And so Thaksin was overthrown by the military coup and there was no one for a while. And then Thai elected a new prime minister. If for some reason this new Samak were to be in a farm holding a huge steel fork, I bet he look like something out from Journey to the West. Best still if a monk happen to be nearby.

Thailand in Chaos? The news you saw on CNN and papers, oh yes, the mob wants to over throw the prime minister, the police engaged the mob. Injuries and bloodshed a few when the police tried to control the crowd. And then the mob blamed the police for using violence. And so the mob moved in on the police headquarters and demanded the policemen who injured the crowd. All hell broke loose because the mob not happy, the mob grew in size and sprouted up in the other provinces. Then someone with a big idea decided to position the mobs on the runway, forced themselves into the airports they did. They wanted to hit the landing aeroplane's wheel with their face. So Krabi, Hat Yai and Phuket airports closed. Yes, it was true… it was so chaotic, it was a mess. There were the opposing parties, and then the supporting parties. Let them mingle move them close to each other. Let them pacify neutralize or equalize by violence, so the police would not be blamed for causing more injuries. Watch the show from the side lah, then pick up the aftermath without a sweat.

With all the news reported of violence, everyone is in danger. Oh really? So strange that people were still going to pubs, disco and clubs. We all still live everyday as it is. It was the month’s end, salary was out. Thais were still getting drunk on the past weekend, still going for their pop-pop sessions, still going for the karaoke. Chaos? Oh really?

In the tiny Singapore lives we live, we have never encountered a mob. And so we thought the mob equals to the country breaking down. And really it is not so. The news shows and focus, to show only what they wanted to show. If the camera was to turn a 180, you will get to see the traffic still going on slow, the peddlers still are selling and the karaoke girls still are working. The restaurants will all still pack, the holiday resorts on weekends will still full.