Conservatives of Thai Girl

I was driving when my gig was chatting to her girlfriends behind. Me the only alpha male in the herd of chatty young things. The conversation grew stranger with every click of the odometer. They were talking about g-strings. Frankly, I never have or will wear one, I fear my balls may get entangled on that thread like apparel and I bet they will turn green and die eventually of strangulation. Seems like the only one in the herd that ever wore a g-stirng was gig. The rest were asking her funny questions like ain’t that uncomfortable, don’t people get to see your butt meat when in skirts? Does it feel weird to have your butt hanging freely and an assortment of other very extraordinary and wonderful questions. Well, since there were only three passengers, I would assume then from simple conclusion that 66.66% of Thai girls have never wore a g-string before.


Its Thailand, where when going for a swim, girls are in full t-shirt and shorts, padded bras and panties within. Daring bikinis are only seen in hot tourist zones but never in a normal local setting.

King Naresuan vs LKY

A blog entry from 2007…..

The second part of this trilogy movie was out. I went to watch it. Finally for the first successful time in Thailand, I watched a Thai movie with English subtitles available. The King, still a prince then, was of righteous and virtuous royalty. Being sabotage many times over by new King of Hongsawadee (Burma’s strong city), the big bully who continually waged war on all other small cities, he managed to sway some small cities over to his side. To wage an unfair war on Hongsawadee, an army of 500,000 to a small strength of 30,000. He was intelligent as hell with his war strategies and knocked the life out of many the enemy whose only strategy was headstrong stubborn attacks. Thus eventually, he gained the independence for Autthaya (the stronger city in Thailand back then), away from the crutches of a higher control - freedom. The final scene was that of the King, who was passed down a secret weapon, a rifle well over the height of a man. And from across a wide river, he shot the general on the opposite force dead. It stirred something in me, that I am proud to live in this land. The history of Thailand is rich and original, and I felt for the bravery of the past wars. I will eagerly await part III, to learn the full history of Thailand and how her provinces came to be as now. There is identity in Thailand, there is the courage to be proud of. There is the language that only Thailand speaks, originality again. Part III will only be out in December, to coincide with the King’s birthday. Such loyalty in Thailand, such unconditional love for the King.

Now… Singapore… what culture, what history? Singapore is but a mongrel of cultures. We have no originality and no rich history. No bravery and only the war that Japan came was more like a takeover then a fight. And it took the Americans to defeat Japan on the other side of the world leading to a natural surrender on Singapore. The only thing we have is money and now we throw at other peoples’ faces. The Anti-Singapore sentiments grow stronger in Thailand each day. Yesterday I read in the news that there was a group of protesters demonstrating against the use of Thailand for Singapore’s Air Force training northeast. They carried the signs that read “Singapore Get OUT”, “Thailand is not for Rent”. They burnt the Singapore flag and stepped on it. They made a voodoo doll of Lee Hsien Long and burnt it. And the Thailand papers reported that in Singapore, the remains of an elderly woman were found. She died alone. Her foot bones were found on the two sides of the toilet. The rest of her bones were found in the toilet bowl. So what I wrote about the Singapore Dream II is but coming true.

Ok… the only thing I proud for Singapore… our language. That one got abit originality, but again it’s a mongrel of languages. There was a show called Windtalkers, where American soldiers spoke in code and the enemy could not understand. If Singapore got war, no foreign enemy will be able to decipher what we say. We do not need any encryption technology, we are Cocktalkers.

So, if we were to make patriotic movie about the history of Singapore for the people, I am afraid it would only meant failure. Or the government could pass a rule to force all to watch or be thrown in jail, which will be success. There will be no substance, and the ending scene of the Singapore Movie would probably be that with a background of PAP logos, of LKY shouting some famous hokkien mother versus on some ah-bengs who stuck chewing gum on his new found MRT toy.

Yellow Supremacy?

And to think that Thailand has no Chinese New Year atmosphere, Singapore is worst. What festive mood where there when there were no firecrackers. What festive mood when you are controlled and can’t celebrate like a real Chinese, your cultural and all? At least I was woken by a thousand loud firecrackers 6am on the eve of New Year, some rare Chinese in Bangkok, tradition preserved and freedom.

I stared around, I scanned the people of Singapore. I closed my ears and I see Thailand. Hey. We are all the same. Take away the speech and the yellow looks Thai Chinese, descended from the mainland. The brown just look like local Thais, true people of the land. The black.. cannot hide… I know they came from India. In fact, a thousand years ago, I think there were only the brown throughout this region and that they are now separated by the line of religion, language and nationality.

I have to admit, we Chinese are assholes. We infiltrated the other lands. We spread all over like wild monkeys, driven by greed. Thais told me in the old days, no one worked hard. All is easy, a farm, some food, simple enjoyments, life in nature. And when we Chinamen came, we drove the economy up, and the locals were left with no choice, but to reluctantly work harder. Or then be left in the slumps of modernization which many are in as now. Australia again, Chinese and all now. Land prices doubled over five years. So how’s the easy Aussie life coping? Work harder, work longer, kill the chings. Even at young, we Chinese are thought to be competitive. I was at the pool, a father forced his children to compete and timed them. Crazy Singaporeans, nothing better to do, in fact, really nothing better to do. One up side, we are smarter, professional, efficient and cunning. Bad for others. Want proof? Chinese New Year in Singapore, who’s been left to work? My sister ordered pancakes from Macs, delivered for breakfast. Then came them without butter or syrup. She called complained. Then came a free delivery. Same missing items. She called, was put on hold forever, she gave up on them brown brothers. I bet if we got the third delivery, it will come with mutton curry. Anyway, we Chinese – industrious ambitious ASSHOLES.

Why? Too regimental. My mum, Singaporean, Malaysia PR. Drove KL car in. Got stopped by police. Was told the rule Singaporeans cannot drive foreign cars in Singapore. How the fuck was she supposes to know? No second chance give, ignorance is not an excuse. They sent a letter three months later to her home in Malaysia. Ordered her to Singapore court. She pleaded guilty. Fined SGD$300. Why not put the rule book at causeway and make every entrant read them for one hour and undergo a test before permitted to enter then. Why so many of us left Singapore… now I know why. It’s a restrictive cage and you put toys in there for them blind Singaporean rats to occupy themselves with.

Yellow supremacy? Yellow nothing better to do in Singapore. Rat race life. The chase for materialisms. My friends, all in the chase till death. I choose to be simple and to experience the true meaning of happy-hood.

Thai Wedding

Something interesting about a Thai wedding is that for what seems to be Chinese Red Packet (Ang Pow) to be given, use any nice envelope will do and put the money within. Then write you name across the front and stapler it right down the center, through the contents. Why I asked? Thais said then on the morning after the wedding, the bride and groom will have a hard time getting the money out. And when they are at it, they will see your name and be aware that you have contributed. My friend did that with his nails till they are all chipped out and yes, he remembered every one of them contributed.

The normal amount to give would be THB$500 (SGD$20 only - considered high) and you could bring your whole family along for that. No reservations required and let the seating mess up, it always does anyway. Even when the Thais are invited to Singapore for weddings, they will still stick to the same amount or lower and as such, your Thai tables will sure be money looser.

A Thai wedding is much like us Chinese weddings. Waking up at ungodly hours to benefit from the superstitious good timing, a Mercedes decorated, Yam-Char (drink tea) with parents in houses of both sides and a grand wedding dinner. Well not so grand actually for the normal average as the dinner will be held at badminton halls and such public facilities. Hotel weddings are very rare and only for the rich. See photos under Thai Wedding Dec 2005.

Anyway, next time I attend a wedding, I will make sure the paired couple remember me not for just a week, but for a decade for the packet offered below.

Non-existent Customer Service in Thai Banks

To all foreigners like me working here, it is next to impossible for us to get a Credit Card if you happen to be getting the standard “Thai” class salary. Why it is that banks here do not understand the fact that being a foreigner does not mean we have access to unlimited amount of legal tender? You need a salary scale at least 5 times that of the average Thai THB$15,000.

Initially when I tried to apply with SCB (Siam Commercial Bank), I got rejected several times with no apparent explanation except for the usual “regret to inform you” letter. The staff in the branch could not tell me where my application went wrong even thought my salary is definitely a few times above the average. That was until I decided to write an email to ask SCB if there exist a double standard involved for foreigners. In the country I come from, we get replies immediately the next working day but here, it takes a lot of effort to get customer service to response. I resent the email a total of 6 times. For the record, it took almost 14 days to get a response. They finally cleared the air that I needed a monthly salary of THB$100,000 (huge contrast to THB$15,000 for locals).

With the questioned answered, I know now foreigners with average income like me can forget about getting any credit facilities from the foreigner unfriendly SCB. So I approach UOB (United Overseas Bank) bank in Ratchada crying out my problem. They were kind enough to speak to me whom sometimes still cannot make complete intelligent sentences in Thai. The staff explained that unlike SCB, UOB does not have this double standard applied to foreigners. They encouraged me to open a saving account with them so as to facilitate the application of a UOB credit card and for easy future payments. Thus I took the trouble and did as they said. First of all it is not easy for foreigners to fill up banking application forms. They are never in English. So it was a cumbersome few days for me getting translation services.

To cut things short, I got my card application rejected by the UOB and am stuck with a UOB saving account of no purpose. The explanation in the letter is that my income does not meet requirements (although it definitely does). I have written an email to them to ask why I was deceived. It has been a week now with no reply and I don’t think I ever will. Getting shoddy services, double standard treatments and paying a “foreigner price” for almost everything when eating, shopping or staying are all part of fun of living and working in Thailand. But to get the same from banks where we trust our money with is not within any acceptable limits of threshold.

Festive Gifts

During the New Year, companies will send gifts (aka bribery) to customers and neighbors will exchange gifts in the community. Eggs. You can wrap a dozen eggs in one basket give it to your friends, neighbors, mother, GF’s family etc. Why I asked? They told me everyone eats eggs. It’s a common food item. Eggs = gifts.

Rain Dance

Here’s something new. In the villages, when there is a drought, they will do a rain dance. Rain dance is done by carrying a black cat over your head and running naked wildly around the perimeter of your village three times chanting hysterically. Just kidding…

The real thing I heard, is similar to our Chinese Taoist “Tiao Dang” customs. The fat black cat will be sort of placed in an altar carried by four people and they would circle the village. I am not sure if they are suppose to shake the cat violently until it is senseless like how the Taoist shake the possessed altar. Interesting Thai customs.

Un-caged Yellow Birds

An article from sometime ago……

Another week gone by, another mad week of driving in and out of Bangkok. Another week of work, another week of meeting the endless queue of people from Singapore. My ex girlfriend was here and so I finally had the chance to bring her to a good real Thai dinner. It was good to see her again and be briefed on the life of others I so not seen for long.

Time. Where are they? Gathered in all the small fissures of work periods, meetings and ridiculous project schedules. How can I gather them altogether? I need time management. I can’t work like a machine. I will burn a fuse sooner or later. I need time for breaks and to catch up with people around. But for now I can’t rest, I have to work to the limits of my capabilities. But for this stage of my life, when one is still in the mid of nowhere burning fuel fast towards one’s final dream, one can’t rest. I want to overwork my mental pistons and yet I want to rest. I want to be lazy and yet I want to excel. Where am I?

I have to juggle all jobs at one go, with only one self, one mind and one body. This land is lacking in engineering skills and professional workmanship. I showcased my talents and suddenly I landed myself in a deep work ditch. Expectations from others I know has now been set at a new height. I drove myself into this. I will work on. I will learn on. Oh shit.

A long time ago, I was a lazy soul embedded in a cycle of everyday mundane work. Knowing what will come the next day, and how little work I should do. I was just the typical employee, do what I am paid and please not ask more of me. Then when I self picked a skill not related to my work, I told to myself, someday it be useful. I never knew this decision could land me here and now, ten years later.

Everyday, I look mentally at my friends back home. The same life everyday, the same routine. The same small land. The same places to go for dinner. The same places to go for show. And surprisingly, the same category of complains and mental state from so many different people, from all walks of life. There is only so much they can do back home. Most of the time, a beautiful dream there, can only be a dream. The environment does not allow for them to steer towards a dream, unless of course they are fitly rich. However, the good side is life will be more or less predictable. They know what’s coming and they know their life is dependable on everything surrounding that they can find or live in. Life is controlled, safe and certain. And all, share one common goal. Work, get married, pay through nose for house, have kids. Die.

But here I am, in land of uncertainty. Don’t know where my guts came from but it must be in my blood. My cousin once said, that all in our family are weird. Where our ancestors tried so hard to move into an island so far away from China, we, this generation has exploded like the sparks of fireworks out of the Island. She is in Hong Kong. Another is in States. And more are all over the world, but never in Singapore. We share the same elements in our blood. We are birds not to be caged. We are too big for the Island.

My family is not the only ones that have outgrown Singapore. There are many of us now. I have met others form the Island and some have really impressed me on how they blended in. There are many of us here now in Thailand and other places. And I discovered we have one distinct characteristic that people on the Island does not have. We have the inner peace and satisfaction glowing beyond the boundaries of flesh and skin. We are happy, we the un-caged yellow birds.

Bangkok Population Survey

The majority working force in Bangkok who can afford cars holds the post of: Causing Major Traffic Jams. For the part-time work force in Bangkok, their main occupations are: Causing Major Traffic Jams on Weekends and After Office Hours. The significant unemployed pool of people, freelance as: Contributor to Traffic on Roads Whenever. Bangkokians do not like to stay at home. They prefer to live their free time out in cars.

Buying a TV in Thailand

An old post..... from 2005....
I no Speak Thai, I Want My TV, GIMME THAT DARN TV!

Wow…. CNY already… so darn fast. I thought there did be some celebrations of sorts here. But nay…. Nothing. All I saw late night yesterday was some people praying to “tnee gong”… Chinese obviously.

This CNY… is really different for me.. unlike back in SG where u can feel the mood, I dun feel no shit atmosphere here. I was at a project site yesterday, started from Bangkok at 6pm and returned only at 5am this morning. What a way to spend my CNY right? Well neber mind… I will wait for the Thai New Year to come in April where everyone tries to drown each other. I bet it did be more fun then CNY in SG… and hehehe… I get to play fireworks I guess.

Just read orgu’s blog… wahhh paing… can laugh until die one. And also just read RJ’s. Spent the morning calling my mum, dad and whatever relatives I can back in SG to greet them CNY. Now back in office work. I think I need a massage… neck pain from last week is gone.. but now feel neck stressed.

Just did a simulation for a server migration in me computer systems in office, in preparation for an out country job this Friday. Will be traveling again. Will be coming back, if all goes well, on Saturday.

Just now… during lunch… went to buy a TV. There is this great big departmental store nearby office called BigC. I have been eyeing a Samsung for a very long time.. Nicam, 21” and small enough to fit in me small room. When I went there and approach the sales guy and pointed to the TV.. wah paings.. problem come.

He started blabbering away… in Thai of course.. and pointed me to another TV.. a Phillips.. and then to Sony and Etc. I tried my best to tell him… hey dude… look .. I want the Samsung. Realizing that I speak darn lousy Thai and that I am a foreigner.. he asked another of his college to assist. So there came this new chap… and I told him I wanted the Samsung.. pointed to that TV that I have eyed for some time.

Now… this new chap… was pushing some Sonys on a crate around.. before I knew it.. he unpacked the divine SONY WEGA and place it on a table top and blabber away. I said.. I know it’s nice this sony weggie but look… my table too small… unable to put this ok???

That smart chap then magically produce a measuring tape. Went over to the same friggin Phillips and started showing me measurements. WHATS WITH THE FUGGING PHILLIPS ANYWAY? At that point in time… I feel like grabbing the demo remote control and shove it into his eye socket. Since its CNY.. I decided to stay calm and avoided that approach.

Calmly.. I said to him that I am sorry but I wanted the Samsung… this Phillips too big with its extruding speakers by the side. So… I walk back to where the Samsung was. He followed and I thought… ok I can get my Samsung now.

I approached the Samsung… and there I was… next to my object of desire. With my diminishing patience and ever increasing tear in my balls, he started on the celestial WEGA again… Oh my fuggin shit!!! Where in my actions and lousy Thai does he not understood… I WANT THE FRIGGIN SAMSUNG! I told him off.. and said sorry as best as I could.. and finally he stared packing the WEGA.

And then he walked somewhere and told me to wait. And so I waited… and waited… AND REALLY WAITED. There must be this aura of stupidity glowing out of me or something for no one seems to be coming to aid in my purchase. I turned to another chap standing nearby… pointed to the Samsung, like a monkey pointing to bananas in the zoo, trying to grab the attention of visitors. By then, he already realized I speak no Thai.. and so treid to refer me to another college. I do not wished to be match made with the fuggin Phillips again.. and so I walked away. Balls totally torn.

I walked to the departmental store next door… and was able to commited the purchase in less then 15 minutes… To hell with BigC.